Friday, May 3, 2013

A senseless experience...

Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Hospital Room is Actually a Sensory Deprivation Chamber:

10. The "frills" of your room are the bed, table, and a metal chair.

9.  There is no clock on the wall so you have no idea what time it is.

8.  There are no windows in said room making it impossible to know even what season it is let alone use the sun to estimate with (refer to issue #9.)

7.  The miniature flat screen TV in the upper right hand corner of the room is not connected to power or cable.  It's only function is to tantalize and mock you.

6.  There is no cell service in your room, further cutting you off from civilization in general. 

5.  No restroom facilities are to be found--no sink, no toilet, no shower, no water at all.  No hygiene.

4.  No thermostat on wall.  Your room will be hot and stuffy and there is nothing you can do to change it.

3.  The room is slightly larger than a walk in closet (except for Oprah's--her humongous one doesn't count.)

2.  The putty colored walls lull you into a beige induced haze.  No bland wall art to break the monotony.

1.  Finding out Room 29-Y was a secure holding room in the former ER--recently transformed into a "Med/Surg Holding Unit" or as I lovingly call it Obamacare Overflow.

My pitiful pft performance of 22% at Wednesday clinic earned me a golden ticket to UCH hospital.  I considered cancelling my appointment when I woke up to 8 inches of snow and it was still coming down but waiting for next Monday didn't seem like a good idea.  Thankfully my sweet husband was able to clear his schedule to drive me down.

Finding out my unit was full (the expansion into the new pulmonary wing will be finally coming in June) did not make me a happy camper.  And had I known I would be stuck in the worst hospital room ever, I might have rethought things.  But luckily for me, the nurses were fabulous and tried to make a difficult situation work. The worst part was having to lug an oxygen tank and IV pole to the community restroom and try not to think about the possible germ sharing going on.  One does not often get the wonderful opportunity to wash their face and brush their teeth in a public bathroom.

Then this morning when they clued in I had MRSA (hello, it wasn't a state secret), I was banned from said bathroom and well, lets just say a portable commode entered the equation.  Not cool especially with no sink to wash up with. Thankfully a "real" room became available this afternoon.  I've never been so grateful to see a doorway on Ninth West with my name on it before.  Hopefully the most eventful part of my stay is behind me and days pass quickly in my room with a view.

My friend's house on May Day--Fort Collins obviously
didn't get the memo that winter is supposed to be finished..
Kids got yet another snow day and low temps broke records.


  1. Ugh, that sounds like something you'd see here in Vietnam, not in a suburban hospital in the states! Totally not fun :( At least there were no roaches, but otherwise no perks indeed. Glad you got an upgrade, but not so glad you have to be there. Love you and sending you good vibes!

  2. I'm with Risa. Plus I would if demanded paint and a brush to design my own fairytopia! :-D Shoot the 22 and get out of there soon.

  3. Lots of Love and Prayers are heading your way!