Monday, November 1, 2010

Goodbye old friend...

Feeling a bit nostalgic today saying farewell to a long time friend. We've known each other since the early 1980's; so in our almost 30 year relationship, we have been through a lot together. You could say we've been practically inseparable. In many ways this friend literally changed my life. Because of this new relationship, I was emboldened to try new things. I began spending less time just sitting around by myself and complaining. My relationship with my parents even improved because of my new association. Life became better. So it is with deep sadness I bid goodbye to my porcine-based friend, Pancrease. I will miss you!

It is time to move on. Forge new relationships that have the FDA stamp of approval. Become one with my new new-age sounding buddy, Zenpep.

Really, who names their newest drug creation Zen-anthing? I feel like should take a moment of silence to center myself before swallowing those bad boys.

I am kinda excited to get a new "look" to my cocktail of medicines. I remember thinking the enteric-coated balls were sooo cool when they first came out--very high tech. But they are so last decade now and a new sleek yellow and white design will be much more hip. And I am all about hip! All I can say is, these new hummers better work.

Pancrease was the miracle drug that saved me from the debilitating stomach cramping that I experienced growing up. The old-school Viokase and Cotazyme were better than nothing but just barely--not to mention their horrid taste and smell. Even if I never skipped/missed a dose, I would still suffer. Who wanted to swallow 16-20 of them before eating and then still end up with a stomach ache? Not me. I spent so much time in the bathroom during elementary school, my teachers would send a runner to the restroom just to make sure I was still okay. Food and grease would literally come right through me, twisting my insides into knots as it did so. Yes, those were the days. (True confession: My mom would dutifully send a grundle of pills for school lunch for me and I would stuff them into my empty milk box when I was done so people wouldn't watch me take them. Bad cyster!)

I went into slight mourning a couple of years ago when the general "Pancrease" was discontinued and I had to choose an MT strength. I had tried the MT versions when they first came out and my body didn't like the concentrated form as well. I finally ended up on Pancreacarb but nothing worked as well as my old 1980's buddy.

Ode to Pancrease
Amylase, Lipase, and Protease,
Supplied by you to me;
You gave me needed nutrition,
From the bathroom, you set me free.

Derived from my pig brothers,
Your enzymes did mine restore;
Goodbye my GI buddy,
I'll miss you forever more.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sherri, you crack me up! only you could write a poem about a medication and make it sound good.