When you can't win the mind games...

Sometimes even though nothing is really wrong, everything still seems off somehow.  That's what I've been struggling with the past few months.  It's like I get up in my head and unwanted thoughts keep popping in and then I start thinking through different scenarios about the future, my health, etc. and it just gets me down.  When you realize things really won't get better, only worse, it gets to be a bit much to deal with.  I'm not whining, just trying to get some things out of my head so I can move forward.

I started this blog in part to give others who are lucky enough to know what a Delta508 is (for those not initiated in CF lingo, this is the place on my DNA strand where things got a bit off track and mutations happened...at least I'm not a hero in a half-shell) a glimpse into my life and hopefully help them see that a person diagnosed early in life can go on to live their dreams of being married, having children, and contributing to society.  I wanted it to be an honest look at my life and although I generally try to be positive in what I choose to share here, I have come to realize that if I don't share some of those harder times, the mentally tough times, that other cysters and fibros (females and males with CF--kinda the only cool part about the crummy name someone without a stitch of imagination decided to call this disease) who are struggling in their journey will think they aren't "doing it right" or they aren't "normal" or they aren't "as strong" as the people they read about online.  I never want someone to read SassyCastle and think, "Why does it seem so easy for her when things are so hard for me to deal with?"  I don't believe it's a weakness to share your tough times; I have confidence and faith that those I share those times with are not judging me and are strong enough to process the information and walk alongside me through them.  A burden carried totally alone is an unnecessarily heavy one.

Well, now I want to share a cool video my newest friend, Amanda, sent me from Australia  Several months ago she responded to my post on a CF website that I had an older TheAIRapy vest available to someone who may need one.  She lives in Australia and has a darling little girl with CF.  Because vest systems are so expensive, they are not readily available to CF'ers there.  A fantastic RT from my CF center hooked me up with a tiny vest to send along with it.  So $300+ in shipping costs and thousands of miles later, Amanda now has the technology to give her daughter one more weapon to fight with.  Look at what a little angel she is!

I wish I could figure out why the attachment she sent came sideways (maybe since she is on the other side of the world strange things happen) and I wish I had the technical know-how to fix it but you can see her anyway.  I had to brush away the tears when I saw her, I love her without even knowing her name.  I can feel her spirit.  You go girl!!!